I don't know that anyone will continue to read this but it helps me to write things down. And maybe if I can make even one person more thankful for their own life, then this post is meaningful. I know too that my mom liked my posts. She didn't read the blog often but I was just looking through old texts from her and found one that said she had just read my blog and it lifted her spirits and changed her attitude. I don't really want the world to forget her either so I will write.
I keep thinking today of all the silly things people complain about- the weather, work, school. I do it too. But today we buried my beautiful, vibrant mother. That is a real problem to complain about, and to be honest we barely have. I am in awe of each of my family member's strength and trust in God through this experience. I think that while each of us hits lows and questions God, we know that He has a bigger plan than any of us could imagine. Our strength comes from Him. I fully believe that He has a plan and that there was a purpose for my mom's death. It will take a lot of patience, strength and faith to get us where we need to be and for us to see the big picture but I believe we will get there.
Today was difficult to say the least, but our family felt like everything went perfectly. The service was beautiful; the cemetery was peaceful; we were surrounded by people who truly love us and my mom. We continue to recognize the blessings. Since my mom's diagnosis I pictured this day in my head. I would push the thoughts away because it hurt too bad. But today those images became reality and it was more peaceful than I could have imagined because I really believe she is in heaven. I could have never in a million years have imagined that this would be our life. How could this happen to our perfect family, our young mother, our best friend? But who ever does expect it? You could drive yourself crazy trying to fugure out "why me"? It happened and there was nothing we could have changed or done differently. So now we have two options- we change for the worse and lose who we are and who she wanted us to be, or we live for her and find our purpose like she did. It is not going to be an easy road, but we continue to remind ourselves that WE are the ones who are suffering. She is living in a perfect world with so much love, where she deserves to be. I know there are so many difficult days to come, going home to our house that she made a home, our weddings, our babies, holidays. Every day will be a struggle, and we will miss her and long to speak with her more than I could ever describe. But we will continue to remember her and honor her by telling funny stories about her and sharing our memories. And we will rely on family and friends, our gifts from God, to help us get through each day. We love and thank you all for your support, especially those of you who flew all the way to FL to be with us and honor my wonderful mother. She truly was special and gifted in many ways!
Oh Melissa, beautiful Melissa. This is so touching. You are a kind, insightful young women. Your Mom's heart is bursting with pride looking down over you and your sisters this day and for all the days of your lives. If you ever need anything, I would be honored for you to reach out to me. Anything at all-love to you all , Vicki
ReplyDeleteMelissa-I assure you, we will keep reading as long as you continue to post. Your mom was truly special and loved by so many. I want to remind you, that you are not on this journey alone, we will be with you as long as you need it. Thank you for sharing so much with us,
ReplyDeleteJanet
You are an inspiration to all of us.. She lives on in her 3 beautiful daughters and her loving husband. We are all truely blessed to have shared in a part of Julie's life and she will forever be in our thoughts and heart.
ReplyDeletelove you all-- Debbie and Ron
Dear Melissa:
ReplyDeleteI am Lynn An's mom who lost my dear husband ("double hit" lymphoma) in Jan.26, 2012. I keep reading your blog and always can not control my tear. You are a so sweet girl that your mom lucky to have. I have deepest heart broken and pain as you and your family do. i am truly comforted by your blog and your brave.Your blog is encouraging me and comfort me a lot. We do not know why God take good people away?! My husband is only 61 and your mother may be even younger. But I believe some day we all will know the answer. They are in a good place without chemo, side effect, pain. The place is better then what we are living now. Life is too tough, too pain. We all still need to move on. They will never leave us. I had first dream of my husband with sadness, but my second dream was to meet him so happy. I know he is there watching me and my daughter. I wish you and your family could recover from loss your dear mother soon, I know it is too hard.
Let me know if you need any help. My e-mail address is susanhsun@yahoo.com
God Blessing!
susan
Melissa, I promise you I will keep reading the blog as long as you keep writing it. We have all shared this journey together and I can't say how much I have relied on your blog to get me through each day as I thought constantly about your mom and all of you.
ReplyDeleteWe will always be here for whatever you, Emily, Dani and your dad need. Your mom was an amazing woman and I will forever miss her. She will always be in my heart and I will inspire to be more like her each day. Lyn xxoo
Melissa, I check your blog daily and will continue to read your postings. I looked forward to your updates. I feel very close to you because of the blog and know that you are a special person! God will give you strength to continue.
ReplyDeleteWith love, Brenda Forrester
Melissa as I read your blog to Dave through my tears I realize that we are already witnessing something good that's coming from all this sad, deep sorrow and pain. YOU! You are witnessing to so many people through your blog. Something you told me when we spoke only a few days after was that you always had a strong faith but never needed it as much as you do now. Well your beautiful words have helped me and so many others through the pain and sadness. You are so strong!
ReplyDeleteDave and I are here for anything your family needs! Send Dani over anytime, Jake and Luke have been asking for her.
Melissa - Your words are so beautiful. Your Mom was so proud of you and your sisters. She would get such a gleam in her eyes when she would talk about you. The last time I saw your Mom was last summer. Her joy was so apparent as she talked about all of you. You have grown in to the person your Mom wanted you to be. I have known you since you were 8 years old. You were a force then and you are a force now. I know it is so hard to wrap your arms around this but you are doing an incredible job. Just know that we all love you and your family and we are here for you. Your faith in God is inspiring and I know it will get you through this. Sending love and hugs your way.
ReplyDeleteSusan, Dan and the girls
I am still reading your blog and I met your mom last summer up at Winnisquam...along with your grandparents and my youngest daughter Emily played with Dani most of the week. I met you girls and your dad. The day we were leaving one of your dogs took off from the fireworks the night before. Luckily you found him. I am going to keep reading this blog for as long as you post stuff. I am truly sorry for your loss. Your mom was such a wonderful person and I was looking forward to going up there again this summer and seeing her. Just remember you are all in everyone's thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteChris
Dear Melissa.
ReplyDeleteI read your blog when your mom passed away and I sat in my car sliently with tears in my eyes. There are times when I don't know what people go through but for you it is different. I know exactly what you are going through because I am going through it myself. God brings people into other people's life and I truely believe that he brought you to me for times of comfort and it is time for me to do the same in return. I know that writing blogs is hard and there are good days and bad but we do it not only for our parents that we love but for the other people on line who are searching for a answer and hope. I hope that our parents will meet even tho they could not meet in our world. I know that they will be watching over us just in a different way. I can't tell you that you will feel better because It isn't and won't be for a while. However what we do have is hope, the hope that one day the pain will become less and the feeling of saddness will ease. Stay strong, lean on your friends there will be bad days and good days. The tiniest things will remind of your mom and a rush of emotion will over come you but know that you are not alone. You will never be alone. Even tho i have never met you, i just want you to know that I love you. keep writing as long as you feel you need to. It helps. You can also write me anytime at muffincow@gmail.com. Please take care.
Dear Melissa, Words can't describe how proud I am of all of you. I am so proud to say that I am your Aunt and your Dad's sister. Believe it or not, you have given me strength through all of this. If there is anything any of you ever need, all you will have to do is say the word. Mom is already so missed and I still can't believe that she has gone to heaven. I do find peace knowing that she is with Jimmy. I truly believe that the 2 of them together are building a home for all of us where we will be together someday for eternity. I love you all so much!
ReplyDeleteMelissa, This is your fathers cousin Gregg Spicer, I am sorry that I could not make it to Florida to morn with the rest of our Family but I want you to know that this has hurt all of us... I think that my brother stopped by to pay his respects to your Mom since he lives near Miami. And if you guys will have me I would like to try to come to the Mass in NH. My e-mail is greggs@earthlink.net if you would like to respond. also how is your Dad holding up??? thank you and God Bless, Hope to hear from you soon.
ReplyDeleteDear Spicer family,
ReplyDeleteAlthough I will never know the pain your having right now, but I know that everybody that met her is probably having the same problem.I really loved your mom and would love to have one last day with her and the hardest part for me is that I didn't even get to say bye to her.In school we are trying to get the whole team to write letters and hang them outside of Mr.Lysik's room. It is very hard to go to school after this. Everyday is a HUGE struggle, but we cant do anything about this but pray to her.I know that it is a struggle, but we all just need to stop for a minute and smile and realize that it is okay to cry we all need to sometimes and I know its hard but that is what she wants us to do. I also commented on your funeral arrangements post and i really hope you post more it makes me feel better to realize I am really talking to someone who can listen.Here is my email if you want to talk about anything: alexzgaliano@yahoo.com
love,
Alexz Galiano
P.S.
stay strong <33333
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteYour words are beautiful! Your strength and courage are truly remarkable. To be 24 years old and have such wisdom, faith and insight is amazing. Your Mom would be so proud of you. As long as you continue to write we will always be here to listen. There will be good days and bad days and know that 'this to shall pass.' There are so many unanswered questions. I can not even begin to put myself in your shoes. I think you and your family often. Sending your Dad, Emily, and Dani love as well. xo <3
Jen Jepson